Ritualistic Hatred
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Cordelia and Xander make amends, sort of.


TITLE: Ritualistic Hatred  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Cordelia and Xander make amends, sort of.  
SPOILER: S4 rumours  
DISTRIBUTION: Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)   
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss Whedon does. If he ever decides to give them to me, that would be nice. =)   
  
  
  
"I hate Sunnydale," Cordelia muttered. She'd been gone one entire year, and that was enough to inform her that Hollywood wasn't ready for an actress with a figure that didn't require fasting or chain smoking. She'd given up on the acting dreams early on and had moved in with Angel, working with him at his "agency". It was a nice enough job and Angel's a great guy, but she hated the work and she hated being the person he chose to protect all the time. She knew he'd enjoyed being Buffy's protector back in Sunnydale, but she couldn't be the one to fill her shoes in LA. When Willow called a few days ago to let her know Xander was finally home from his road trip, she bought a ticket on the next flight out of LA. She'd been sitting at the Sunnydale Airport, a teensy tiny terminal, for the past two days. She just couldn't bring herself to go see Xander, and she was too afraid to see her parents.   
  
Sighing, she looked at her watch. It was two-twenty and she knew Buffy would be in Giles' basement, training. Taking a deep breath, she hoisted her bags over her shoulder and headed for the double doors that led to the city's main street. She hailed a cab and arrived at Giles' apartment. Taking a deep breath, she rung his doorbell. She was going to leave when Willow answered.   
  
Half dressed.   
  
"Cordelia! Hi!" she wrapped her in a tight hug. "How've you been?" she pulled her shirt down as though that would hide the fact that she wasn't wearing any pants.   
  
"I'm tired," Cordy admitted as she dropped all the luggage in front of Giles' couch. "Do you think I could take a nap?   
  
"I, um, guess so." she pulled the pillows off and helped Cordy pull the mattress out. "There are some sheets--"   
  
"This is fine," Cordelia unfolded Giles' afghan and pulled it over her body. She kicked her shoes off, thanked Willow, and drifted off.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"What's she doing back?"   
  
"She didn't tell me, she just came in and went to sleep."   
  
"What were you doing here if Buffy was downstairs training?"   
  
"Um....researching. On the Net."   
  
"Giles' PC is broken."   
  
"I've got my laptop."   
  
Xander shook his head at his best friend and threw his glance to the couch. Cordelia was curled up in a ball, only her eyes showing from behind the cushion she leaned against. He sighed, knowing she was awake and only pretending.   
  
"Well, Will, thanks for calling me, but I'm gonna go."   
  
"Go?" she asked.   
  
"Go?" Cordelia echoed in a whisper.   
  
"Yeah, Anya's waiting."   
  
Cordy threw the covers back and sat up. "Anya? You're dumping me for Anya?"   
  
Xander flew at her and gave her a tight hug. She responded by slapping him. He beamed at her.   
  
"Welcome home Cordy."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy asked Cordelia to move into the house with her and Willow, which she did willingly. Ever since Joyce had been killed, Buffy enjoyed having company in the house. Although she and Angel were back together, he refused to move back to Sunnydale. He said it would be cursing her mother's memory or something. She didn't like the miles that separated them, but for the time being there wasn't much she could do.   
  
She, Willow and Cordelia spent the summer doing the normal. Researching, Slaying and shopping. Buffy would never admit it, but she and Cordelia were becoming....close.   
  
Xander hung around a lot, but all he and Cordy ever did was fight. Near the end of August, Oz's twentieth birthday came and Willow went to Chicago with him for a four day weekend. Buffy went to spend the last week before school started up again in LA with Angel, and Cordelia was left the house alone. She'd planned on spending the entire time trying to decorate the place in a half decent manor she could put up with since she'd enrolled at UC Sunnydale with the others as a fashion design major. By Friday night, she was wallpapering her bedroom and was getting ready to go buy paint for the ceiling when the doorbell rang.   
  
"I'm not up for books tonight Giles!" she called to the door when she reached the bottom of the stairs. The bell rang again, so she sighed and opened the door.   
  
"Hey there." Xander held a pizza out to her. "Peace offering."   
  
"Screw you." she replied and threw the door open.   
  
He smiled at her and entered, carrying the pizza into the living room. They sat in silence, eating until he stood up.   
  
"Where are you going?"   
  
"Chocolate run." he replied and headed for the kitchen.   
  
"We don't have anything," Cordy went after him. "Buffy finished the M & Ms last night."   
  
"Ye have little faith," he remarked. Climbing up onto the counter, he opened the cupboard where Joyce always kept the fine china. He pulled out a gravy boat and took the lid off. It was full of Rolos.   
  
"How'd you know about that?" she asked, grabbing a handful. "I live here and I didn't know that."   
  
"I snooped one night when we were researching here last summer. Right after you..." he stuffed some candy into his mouth to stop talking. "Buffy copies her mother a lot."   
  
"At least she copied something good. That fashion sense--"   
  
"You are so rude." Xander said.   
  
"You're an idiot." she retorted.   
  
"What'd I do now?"   
  
"Nothing today, but I meant in general."   
  
"You're a prude."   
  
"I am not!"   
  
Xander dropped a candy and they both bent down to get it, clunking heads.   
  
"Moron."   
  
"Clutz," he shot back. He used his shirt to wipe the smeared chocolate off the floor and then he looked up at Cordelia. She remembered what he'd said back in high school about linoleum and grinned at him.   
  
Five seconds later, they were upstairs in her room.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"I shouldn't have done that with you." she said as they lay in the bed together.   
  
"I'm not real proud of it either."   
"Xander?"   
  
"Yes?" he looked at her with anxious eyes.   
  
"I have a problem."   
  
"I know, but we've tried Ritalin and it's not good enough."   
  
She grabbed a pillow and hit him with it. "Seriously. I hate you."   
  
"No you don't." he touched her cheek. "You feel the same way aobut me that I feel about you."   
  
"Don't you hate me?"   
  
"Sometimes," he admitted. "I also love you. And that's all the time."   
  
She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him. "Xander, what is our deal?"   
  
"You tell me."   
  
"I mean, I don't get it. Is there some sort of law that says we have to hate each other before we can really be in love? Or is this all part of some sick ritual to bring us together? Because if it is, that pisses me off. I've broken five nails hitting you in the last month."   
  
He rolled his eyes. "Regardless of my disgusting feelings towards you, I also love you."   
  
"I love you too."   
  
"What does this mean?" he asked.   
  
She scooted across the mattress so that she was right next to him and started kissing his chest. "We hate each other when we want to..."   
  
"And screw the rest of the time?"   
  
"Fine with me." she rolled on top of him. She caught the fire in his eyes, the way they seemed reserved for only her, and prayed for the ritualistic hatred to pass.  



End file.
